your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
