It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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