And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
