Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
