Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
