I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
