don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
