SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
