So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Are we still banned from the library?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
