Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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