dude i'm inner monologue high
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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