Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
