remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Randomize