the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
