you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
