You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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