I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
