I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.