It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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