Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
