I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
