Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
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Her vagina should come with caution tape.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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