is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
