He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
