I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
