I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
