We won't sleep together?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
