I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
