I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
