Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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