Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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