And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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