Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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