Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
