the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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