Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
