wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
