I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
