We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
