he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
