I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
