You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
