I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
