i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
