If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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