I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
