can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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