Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Houston, we have a blender
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
