Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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