i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
