If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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