After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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