My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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