Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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