Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
