for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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