just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Small penises have feelings too.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
