ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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