she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Those nachos came to me in a dream
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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