our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
