This is not my ceiling
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
