can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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