You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
