They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
