Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
